Reinterpreted by a two year old:
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair
Fuzzy Wuzzy was not a bear...
Because he was a truck.
With wheels on the ground
That go around around around.
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Fuzzy Wuzzy
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Bedtime Transcripts
We have some great conversations. At bedtime, some of the funniest occur as Ari tries his best not to go to sleep. Here are some excerpts:
He is singing: "Nona, Boompa, Boompa, Nona, Grandma, Grandpa..." There was a lot more song before and after this. We had just gotten back from Nona and Boompa's house, so we are assuming he probably went through naming the whole family.
We have been on rhyming words a lot lately. Sometimes words are fun, sometimes just funny. This is all him talking, no parental intervention.
Quickly "fan, van, fan, van, fan, van..." repeat for several minutes "Fan rhymes with Van! And what else do you know about it? A fan is like a wheel that goes around and around. A van has wheels that go around and around too!" long pause "and a car has wheels that go around and around too!" another long pause "and a fan has a wheel that goes around and around too!!" "fan, van, fan, van, fan, van..."
Sensitive readers may find the following story offensive.
"Truck. Truck. Truuuuuuuck. Truck. trucktrucktrucktrucktruck. TRUCKS. trucks trucks trucks." repeat for several minutes with every possible inflection "Trucks is a funny word. Truuuuucks." long pause "Did you stop trucking to go wee wee?" he repeated this several times, then began with "you can play with trucks after you go wee wee. you can play with dump trucks after the wee wee stops coming out of your penis. Wee wee is coming out of your penis. coming out of your penis. PENIS! penispenispenispenis... penis is a funny word. wee wee. wee wee. wee wee... wee wee is a funny word too!" Here I intervene, it might have happened sooner, but I was struggling not to crack up while he was laughing and shouting out penis. "Do you need clean pants, Ari?" Then Ari says, "No, I have clean pants and not wet pants, do you have dry pants and not wee wee pants? You have dry pants, and not wee wee pants. I DO NOT have wet wee wee pants, I have dry, not wee wee pants." silence "wee wee. wee wee bo bee bee banana fanna fo fee fee, me my mo mee mee, wee wee" laughing "is it fee fee?!" continues laughing. I let this go on for a bit longer before I change his pants. I am thinking this will be good material for when he starts dating.
He is singing: "Nona, Boompa, Boompa, Nona, Grandma, Grandpa..." There was a lot more song before and after this. We had just gotten back from Nona and Boompa's house, so we are assuming he probably went through naming the whole family.
We have been on rhyming words a lot lately. Sometimes words are fun, sometimes just funny. This is all him talking, no parental intervention.
Quickly "fan, van, fan, van, fan, van..." repeat for several minutes "Fan rhymes with Van! And what else do you know about it? A fan is like a wheel that goes around and around. A van has wheels that go around and around too!" long pause "and a car has wheels that go around and around too!" another long pause "and a fan has a wheel that goes around and around too!!" "fan, van, fan, van, fan, van..."
Sensitive readers may find the following story offensive.
"Truck. Truck. Truuuuuuuck. Truck. trucktrucktrucktrucktruck. TRUCKS. trucks trucks trucks." repeat for several minutes with every possible inflection "Trucks is a funny word. Truuuuucks." long pause "Did you stop trucking to go wee wee?" he repeated this several times, then began with "you can play with trucks after you go wee wee. you can play with dump trucks after the wee wee stops coming out of your penis. Wee wee is coming out of your penis. coming out of your penis. PENIS! penispenispenispenis... penis is a funny word. wee wee. wee wee. wee wee... wee wee is a funny word too!" Here I intervene, it might have happened sooner, but I was struggling not to crack up while he was laughing and shouting out penis. "Do you need clean pants, Ari?" Then Ari says, "No, I have clean pants and not wet pants, do you have dry pants and not wee wee pants? You have dry pants, and not wee wee pants. I DO NOT have wet wee wee pants, I have dry, not wee wee pants." silence "wee wee. wee wee bo bee bee banana fanna fo fee fee, me my mo mee mee, wee wee" laughing "is it fee fee?!" continues laughing. I let this go on for a bit longer before I change his pants. I am thinking this will be good material for when he starts dating.
Saturday, May 4, 2013
The King's Nice Doggie
I actually sing all the kid songs to Ari. He likes them. For a couple of weeks, he has been singing "I had a little nut tree." If you are unfamiliar with this one, it goes:
I had a little nut tree, nothing would it bear,
but a silver nutmeg and a golden pear
The King of Spain's daughter,
came to visit me,
all for the sake of my little nut tree.
Every time I sing it back to him, he says "not sdaughter."
I couldn't figure out what he was trying to tell me. Then he says one day "it's nice doggie, nice doggie"
The king's nice doggie came to visit me.
This makes sense if you consider that he has no idea what a king, Spain, or a daughter are.
I had a little nut tree, nothing would it bear,
but a silver nutmeg and a golden pear
The King of Spain's daughter,
came to visit me,
all for the sake of my little nut tree.
Every time I sing it back to him, he says "not sdaughter."
I couldn't figure out what he was trying to tell me. Then he says one day "it's nice doggie, nice doggie"
The king's nice doggie came to visit me.
This makes sense if you consider that he has no idea what a king, Spain, or a daughter are.
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Music in the air conditioning
I heard an interesting story today on NPR about the sounds of modern technology. http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/110/mapping?act=2
This guy basically listened to all the noises in his environment and then charted out what notes or chords his house, work, or car were playing to him. Most of the music was pretty discordant and unsettling. He was drawing the conclusion that maybe the stress, depression, and unhappiness in modern society is linked to the sounds we are surrounded by (and tune out) daily. I have thought about this before; when working on amps at Judybox. That is when I learned that because electricity comes out of the walls at 120v, most air conditioners or other electronics in America hum at 240, it is a flat B. Not B flat, just out of tune. I have noticed that when I sing lullabies to Ari, I sing in the key of his humidifier. My refrigerator sometimes sounds like a rocket ship launching into outer space. I swear that the Austin band the Horsies must have the same printer that I own because every time I print something, the rhythm and whirring sound exactly like the chorus to one of their songs.
It is a common theme in literature that when city folk go into the country, the quiet is unsettling because we are so accustomed to the constant noise in the city. Often a point brought up just before something spooky happens.
While listening to this piece today, I thought maybe we should tune our houses. Then the reporter said something like "are we looking at a future industry of house tuning?" The logical conclusion I suppose.
Happiness is a well tuned house.
This guy basically listened to all the noises in his environment and then charted out what notes or chords his house, work, or car were playing to him. Most of the music was pretty discordant and unsettling. He was drawing the conclusion that maybe the stress, depression, and unhappiness in modern society is linked to the sounds we are surrounded by (and tune out) daily. I have thought about this before; when working on amps at Judybox. That is when I learned that because electricity comes out of the walls at 120v, most air conditioners or other electronics in America hum at 240, it is a flat B. Not B flat, just out of tune. I have noticed that when I sing lullabies to Ari, I sing in the key of his humidifier. My refrigerator sometimes sounds like a rocket ship launching into outer space. I swear that the Austin band the Horsies must have the same printer that I own because every time I print something, the rhythm and whirring sound exactly like the chorus to one of their songs.
It is a common theme in literature that when city folk go into the country, the quiet is unsettling because we are so accustomed to the constant noise in the city. Often a point brought up just before something spooky happens.
While listening to this piece today, I thought maybe we should tune our houses. Then the reporter said something like "are we looking at a future industry of house tuning?" The logical conclusion I suppose.
Happiness is a well tuned house.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Hilarious things that Ari says.
Ari has started saying his name a lot. He started out saying "Mommy, Daddy, Mommy, Daddy..." or every time I walked into a room he would shout "Mommy!!" So, I started saying "Ari!!" And now he says "Mommy! Ari!!" The following are some of the cutest uses of his own name:
1. I made some cookies, and after the batter had been mixed, cookies were in the oven, I let Ari taste a little of the batter off of a beater. While he considered whether he liked it or not, I stood there cleaning a spatula. He started nodding yes, as if to say that he had decided that he did in fact like this strange thing I offered to him. Then he looked at me and realized that I was eating the batter and he said "Mommy" and started emphatically shaking his head no and reaching towards me shouting "Ari! Ari!" because, obviously that left over batter was for Ari, not Mommy. How could I eat it?
2. His grandparents sent him this really cool slide. Slide on one side and a basketball goal on the other side. I was playing a funny game where I put a bunch of stuffed animals at the top of the slide, and then one by one they all went down the slide. He thought this game was pretty funny. They all made it to the bottom and I started putting them back at the top. I asked "is it Piggy's turn?" emphatic head shaking no, "is it Lion's turn?" he stands up and shouts "Ari!" ooohhhh, it's Ari's turn. He does this a lot. Very cute.
3. He runs into the kitchen where I can't see him. I say his name in a sort of sing songy way. The he repeats it with the same inflection over and over and over. He was just running around the kitchen singing his name.
Other cute things:
He doesn't say the words yes and no. He shakes his head for no, sometimes so vigorously that he has fallen down a few times. He hasn't mastered nodding his head up and down, so yes is a full body shake sometimes starting in the knees, other times it seems to be sort of a pelvic thrust. I have yet to capture this on video. I really hope that I do before he figures it out. A couple of times when we were sitting on the floor, he had to stand up so that he could tell me yes.
He recently started singing a lot. Really cute, he will hum to himself while he plays with his toys. I can hear him singing first thing when he wakes up in the morning. Couldn't be more precious. The only song that I know for sure he sings is Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. He sings it all the time. It started out with just humming the melody, but when we caught on we started singing the words with him. Now he has started singing all of his favorite words to the tune. Imagine this. Mozzarella, mozzarella, mozzarella, mot. Some of his other favorite words are trash can, dump truck, doggie, water, banana, oatmeal, mommy, daddy, and of course, Ari. If he is singing the ABCs, it goes ah eh ee ee ah eh ee.
Several of his books have pictures of people knitting, or kitties (which he calls meow meow) playing with balls of yarn (do actual kitties play with balls of yarn, or is that a fictionalized stereotype of cats perpetuated by unimaginative illustrators?) anyway, he knows what yarn is. One day I am sitting on the couch crocheting while he plays on the floor with daddy. He comes over and want me to talk about the yarn. So I tell him about it, and conclude with "yarn starts with the letter Y." He jumps up, runs to the kitchen, gets the magnetic letter Y off of the fridge and brings it in to me. What a little smarty pants.
Other funny words he has recently picked up:
Microwave, mixer, bread machine, pumpkin patch, basketball... wait, let's talk about hilarious mispronunciations.
Three words that for some reason have a long Z sound.
Balloon = dzzzdee
Recycling Bin = Dzzzn Dn
Humidifier = Dzzzn daydn
Sock. He just started saying sock. I was pretty impressed because he just said it one day and it was perfect. Then it got less perfect. When he practices saying it, sometimes he slows down and really enunciates it correctly, but then he repeats it quickly and it sounds kind of more like shet. Gotta love it when you are in line at the grocery store and your kid starts saying that over and over.
Ari: shet shet shet shet shet.
Me: He's saying sock. Really. Are you saying sock honey?
Ari: (bounces up and down)
Shopper #2: (sidelong glance, raised eyebrow)
He looks at me very sincerely, holding out his food towards me, and says "Nonny, hot" so I blow on it. (Did I mention that Mommy is pronounced Nonny?) He laughs like he is delighted that I am playing along with the idea that something that just came out of the refrigerator (think applesauce) is too hot and I need to blow on it. Or sometimes, he tries to pretend that it isn't funny at all. Tries to look serious about it, but there is a definite sparkle of amusement in his eyes.
The trash can is an endless source of amusement. He loves to put things in the trash can. Everywhere we go.
At home, he sometimes pretends to find something for the trash. If he actually does find something on the floor he will get halfway to the trash and then go back to find his dump truck. I call this maximizing the trash can experience. He wants to put the trash into the dump truck so that we can dump it (while saying Dump!) into the trash can.
It's possible that I am the only person who thinks these things are cute. I mean, if you saw them for yourself there would be no disputing the cuteness, but something may be lost in the retelling. So, with that in mind I will stop sharing these stories for now. But, you should know that he is basically the cutest thing on the entire planet.
1. I made some cookies, and after the batter had been mixed, cookies were in the oven, I let Ari taste a little of the batter off of a beater. While he considered whether he liked it or not, I stood there cleaning a spatula. He started nodding yes, as if to say that he had decided that he did in fact like this strange thing I offered to him. Then he looked at me and realized that I was eating the batter and he said "Mommy" and started emphatically shaking his head no and reaching towards me shouting "Ari! Ari!" because, obviously that left over batter was for Ari, not Mommy. How could I eat it?
2. His grandparents sent him this really cool slide. Slide on one side and a basketball goal on the other side. I was playing a funny game where I put a bunch of stuffed animals at the top of the slide, and then one by one they all went down the slide. He thought this game was pretty funny. They all made it to the bottom and I started putting them back at the top. I asked "is it Piggy's turn?" emphatic head shaking no, "is it Lion's turn?" he stands up and shouts "Ari!" ooohhhh, it's Ari's turn. He does this a lot. Very cute.
3. He runs into the kitchen where I can't see him. I say his name in a sort of sing songy way. The he repeats it with the same inflection over and over and over. He was just running around the kitchen singing his name.
Other cute things:
He doesn't say the words yes and no. He shakes his head for no, sometimes so vigorously that he has fallen down a few times. He hasn't mastered nodding his head up and down, so yes is a full body shake sometimes starting in the knees, other times it seems to be sort of a pelvic thrust. I have yet to capture this on video. I really hope that I do before he figures it out. A couple of times when we were sitting on the floor, he had to stand up so that he could tell me yes.
He recently started singing a lot. Really cute, he will hum to himself while he plays with his toys. I can hear him singing first thing when he wakes up in the morning. Couldn't be more precious. The only song that I know for sure he sings is Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. He sings it all the time. It started out with just humming the melody, but when we caught on we started singing the words with him. Now he has started singing all of his favorite words to the tune. Imagine this. Mozzarella, mozzarella, mozzarella, mot. Some of his other favorite words are trash can, dump truck, doggie, water, banana, oatmeal, mommy, daddy, and of course, Ari. If he is singing the ABCs, it goes ah eh ee ee ah eh ee.
Several of his books have pictures of people knitting, or kitties (which he calls meow meow) playing with balls of yarn (do actual kitties play with balls of yarn, or is that a fictionalized stereotype of cats perpetuated by unimaginative illustrators?) anyway, he knows what yarn is. One day I am sitting on the couch crocheting while he plays on the floor with daddy. He comes over and want me to talk about the yarn. So I tell him about it, and conclude with "yarn starts with the letter Y." He jumps up, runs to the kitchen, gets the magnetic letter Y off of the fridge and brings it in to me. What a little smarty pants.
Other funny words he has recently picked up:
Microwave, mixer, bread machine, pumpkin patch, basketball... wait, let's talk about hilarious mispronunciations.
Three words that for some reason have a long Z sound.
Balloon = dzzzdee
Recycling Bin = Dzzzn Dn
Humidifier = Dzzzn daydn
Sock. He just started saying sock. I was pretty impressed because he just said it one day and it was perfect. Then it got less perfect. When he practices saying it, sometimes he slows down and really enunciates it correctly, but then he repeats it quickly and it sounds kind of more like shet. Gotta love it when you are in line at the grocery store and your kid starts saying that over and over.
Ari: shet shet shet shet shet.
Me: He's saying sock. Really. Are you saying sock honey?
Ari: (bounces up and down)
Shopper #2: (sidelong glance, raised eyebrow)
He looks at me very sincerely, holding out his food towards me, and says "Nonny, hot" so I blow on it. (Did I mention that Mommy is pronounced Nonny?) He laughs like he is delighted that I am playing along with the idea that something that just came out of the refrigerator (think applesauce) is too hot and I need to blow on it. Or sometimes, he tries to pretend that it isn't funny at all. Tries to look serious about it, but there is a definite sparkle of amusement in his eyes.
The trash can is an endless source of amusement. He loves to put things in the trash can. Everywhere we go.
At home, he sometimes pretends to find something for the trash. If he actually does find something on the floor he will get halfway to the trash and then go back to find his dump truck. I call this maximizing the trash can experience. He wants to put the trash into the dump truck so that we can dump it (while saying Dump!) into the trash can.
It's possible that I am the only person who thinks these things are cute. I mean, if you saw them for yourself there would be no disputing the cuteness, but something may be lost in the retelling. So, with that in mind I will stop sharing these stories for now. But, you should know that he is basically the cutest thing on the entire planet.
Facts about baking
Fact: Baked goods existed before the invention of the electric mixer.
For a few years in my twenties, this fact led me to believe that I could bake without one. My apologies, and thanks go out to the kind friends and family who shared baked goods with me without complaint. Some things did turn out fine. Cookies didn't seem to be affected much, but muffins were definitely hit or miss. I took one particularly bad batch of muffins to Thanksgiving with the family one year. After wondering why no one was eating them, I tried one and it was terribly dry and pasty. I even made Grandma's pumpkin cake roll several times, which requires beating eggs for five minutes. It always turned out great, if a little more moist than it should have been.
I brought up this subject for two reasons:
1. Those pre-electric mixer bakers must have had incredible arm strength and stamina that I do not possess.
2. Today I made a batch of cookies without the mixer. The cookies turned out delicious, but took about twice as long as they would have if I had just taken out the mixer. I didn't take it out because it seemed like too much trouble. This is how things go sometimes. Efforts to avoid extra work (washing the mixer) lead to much much more work.
Did meringue exist before the electric mixer? I can't imagine how a person could possibly make a meringue without one.
For a few years in my twenties, this fact led me to believe that I could bake without one. My apologies, and thanks go out to the kind friends and family who shared baked goods with me without complaint. Some things did turn out fine. Cookies didn't seem to be affected much, but muffins were definitely hit or miss. I took one particularly bad batch of muffins to Thanksgiving with the family one year. After wondering why no one was eating them, I tried one and it was terribly dry and pasty. I even made Grandma's pumpkin cake roll several times, which requires beating eggs for five minutes. It always turned out great, if a little more moist than it should have been.
I brought up this subject for two reasons:
1. Those pre-electric mixer bakers must have had incredible arm strength and stamina that I do not possess.
2. Today I made a batch of cookies without the mixer. The cookies turned out delicious, but took about twice as long as they would have if I had just taken out the mixer. I didn't take it out because it seemed like too much trouble. This is how things go sometimes. Efforts to avoid extra work (washing the mixer) lead to much much more work.
Did meringue exist before the electric mixer? I can't imagine how a person could possibly make a meringue without one.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Tea pots and bagels
Ari wants a bagel for lunch. So, while I am preparing it he is sitting on the floor playing with our tea kettle. I am trying to remember whether he has ever seen me use it before, because he keeps telling me that water goes in there. I don't think he has. I am pretty sure that the only thing he knows about tea pots is the song, and I don't recall there being a verse that goes anything like this: "fill me up with water, put me on the stove, then you light the burner, water starts to boil..."
For some reason this episode reminds me of a work friend I had about a decade ago. She and I would go to breakfast every Saturday before work (and eat bagels). We pretty much always had the same server, he looked just like the woman who lived across the street from me when I was a kid. I always thought they must be related. Anyway, for one reason or another we stopped going to breakfast. Several months later, she told me that she went there for breakfast with another girl we knew. Evidently our server had quite the wrong idea about the nature of our relationship, as he spent the entire meal giving her reproachful looks as if she were somehow betraying me by bringing this other woman to our restaurant. We had a pretty good laugh about it.
For some reason this episode reminds me of a work friend I had about a decade ago. She and I would go to breakfast every Saturday before work (and eat bagels). We pretty much always had the same server, he looked just like the woman who lived across the street from me when I was a kid. I always thought they must be related. Anyway, for one reason or another we stopped going to breakfast. Several months later, she told me that she went there for breakfast with another girl we knew. Evidently our server had quite the wrong idea about the nature of our relationship, as he spent the entire meal giving her reproachful looks as if she were somehow betraying me by bringing this other woman to our restaurant. We had a pretty good laugh about it.
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